How many times have things or situations have been right in front of us, picture perfect and clear. The beauty of the human mind is that its capable of interpreting the most complex ideas and circumstances but at the same time its drawback is that it fails to recognize, acknowledge, and act upon correctly on the most simplest emotions. Because in truth there is a substantial but often ignored difference between clarity and understanding. As more often the former comes easily along our way but the latter becomes a resolute war between perception, judgment, and fortitude. Because we find it easier to concoct our own assumptions on things, in fear of the difficulties to be met along the way, haunted by our own flawed ability to sustain such persistence. We find ourselves trapped in our own qualms and worries on the uncertainty of things, afraid that everything that we worked for would be put into waste.
What we fail to look at rather is that what and who will we become along the way, of not just having that sense of fulfillment by being able to obtain what we have wanted all along. But by learning and growing through the process as well. For more often than not we find ourselves in unforeseen situations, thinking that we see things eye to eye, forgetting that within such lies numerous but often overlooked intricacies; a tilt towards the left, a small squint, the breeze of the air, basically everything that comes along with it, often we’re astounded on the things that we see but we fail to recognize, understand, and more importantly adjust our thoughts on matters beyond our control, on subtle entities, making us not only unsuccessful of failing to achieve what we have pining for all along, but worse; yielding us as oblivious to what we are missing out for the rest of our lives.
For often we are right in front of each other, but somehow we never see eye to eye.
Forgive and Forget.
Throughout our lives we have been constantly reminded that we are in no position to deprive anyone of our forgiveness, for we are neither of divine descent nor do we belong amongst the extraordinary if not the gifted. And as human nature would have it, we would unconsciously comply mindful, that we are amongst the minority, though ironically despite the obscurity of our position we are still somehow deemed as privileged and at a certain point even mounted into our own make shift pedestal. The irony of which rather is that as we force ourselves to forgive in fear of being ridiculed or even punished, innate us lie a restless soul unwarranted of what he or she has to do. We go through the rest of our lives adapting such a destructive process that we end up with so much subdued anger.
The tragedy lies not on our own horridness but on the fact that we are confused on what we are truly to do, and sometimes there are instances that we are robbed of what we ought to feel. So instead we find ourselves building walls, barriers, completely shutting other people out constantly in fear of making the same mistake of going through the same amount of pain and then be forced into masking it; worse to forgive those who have aggrieved us. Because sometimes it just doesn’t come down to the fact that we hate, that we are angry, that we have been harmed, offended, and shattered into the unrecognizable. We find difficulty in imparting forgiveness for it is within that time where we are in dire need to grieve, it is in those rare moments that we get to define once again what is essential and is to be valued, and more importantly it is within this instance that we are given a chance to remind and teach those who have wronged us never to make the same mistake again.
All throughout our lives we are bombarded with words, some of which become meaningful while majority remain predictable. It has been a consistent part of our lives reading, writing these words that often we fail to find meaning in them, perhaps even at a certain point we forget how much impact they are capable of. Instead of reading, we skim, scan, and even browse, we pass through hastily simply forgetting to remember what is essential. I’ve been writing for awhile that I know how big words, the right one’s make the most significant change. However it has been such a tedious and constant presence that I forgot what it was like to write and read as well as appreciate words coming from other people, those with mundane but outstanding perceptions of things in this equally crazy word. I’ve been so used to imparting the words that when it comes to fend some for myself I tend to skimp, if not freeze at the daunting task.
It has been just a few months into the year as everyone is engrossed in having a clean slate and making the most out of it, I on the other hand have lost my way, I questioned a lot of things, most especially about myself, about who am I and what am I exactly doing to my life and most especially to the people around me. It has been massively difficult seeing things solely from one’s perspective, you tend to scrutinize apathetically, it took me a few days and months into the year to realize how much I disliked myself. As much as I didn’t engross at the entirety of my time at such a morbid perspective, somehow its constant presence hovered around me, subtly consuming whatever was left of the person that I knew before. But as it is most easy to think that all is awful in our world, somehow happiness finds its way and creeps in.
Words; big, or small, well or poorly chosen, meant or unmeant, end uo making the largest effect. To those who remembered, thank you, to those who took the time to write the funny, odd, heartwarming, and the kindest words possible to such a detach and undeserving person thank you! Thank you so much for reminding me that there are still pieces worth liking. More importantly to those who had the courage to write and hand their letters over I can never show you enough gratitude, as I opened my loot I was surprised to receive letters from people who I normally don’t talk to often, thank you for remembering and more importantly for finding the time and effort to write the most comforting letters. When one has the right words to read regardless of its form all can be well in the world, you are made to believe that things can be better again, more importantly you somehow are given the chance and hope to find your way back.
I have been too lost to frankly know where I currently am, my instincts have withered off, my heart no longer had the power to revert back to its original function brought upon by the multiple tangles, defeat, and exhaustion. Yet to those who remembered and shared the most thoughtful words, phrased in very simple sentences, those who took the time to remind me of what was there to be adored and be proud of, thank you, for though it may take me quite awhile to find my way once again, you remembering for me, you who in one way or another were selfless enough to help me reminisce of what was once a familiar sight and a place of solace give me hope of the fact that though I may not truly regain what was once there, I may take on the pieces that were left and unearthed a rebuild a better and resilient being.