What were we?
Were we part of a riddle, an act, a chapter, a phrase, or a lie perhaps?
Never could I fathom,
to put what we had into words,
for the truth was we lived in disparate worlds.—- I in my fears and you in your disguises.
Both of us seeking an out to our damaged voices.
But this I know,
As we both fed ourselves with lies
On what we were?
Basked in the ties of what has not yet o’er.
Fearful of admitting,
that what we had was beyond fleeting.
And through those deafening silences,
questions such as where does fate and serendipity deem on us bringing.
Alas! As I grow weary of my veracious reveals, and your unseeming chary deals.
And as I became ready for the big reveal, on this obscure momentary life deal.
We both moved forward and declared a truce,
accepting each other’s sad truths.
Circumstances changed, and I pulled the cord, and you looked on unnerved of this sudden discord.
At first i could not reason on how you passed through it without a day’s proof of a drain
But then I knew better and saw through your reluctance to create an eternal stain.
So I sit and thank you in silence
for letting me defy prudence.
Baning my mind to the point of clarity,
whereas bearing me forth witness to all the subsequent possiblility.
But most of all I am beyond thankful,
for the butterflies that you gave me were sightful.
Making me realize that maybe love part deux would not be as frightful.
For there was once a fearful girl,
but that has now turned into an abyss of a blur.
When I was little, I found joy in the most simplest of things,
from cute toilet knobs, to colored lamps that lit up the night’s perfect and mysterious beauty. I was thrilled with how the most beautiful streaks of light crept throughout the night from the most modest of shapes and figures.
As I wandered, with no clear direction, I found myself in and out of places both familiar and strange from the world I once knew about. I lived in fear and excitement for what the moment has to offer.
So I followed about, intoxicated with the idea that somewhere in the abyss a new world was about to unfold and change my entire being. I went in the nooks and corners, surprised to have found answers that I could not have fathom.
Still, I continued to search for answers and endure the uncertainties that they bring. Hoping that a search alone would suffice my restless soul.
There were times where I found myself exhausted and basked in my own skepticism. So I sat down, closed my eyes, looked around, and processed where I came from, where I have been, and where I want to go next.
So I continued to walk and found friends along the way.
filled myself up with life’s simplest pleasures, reminding myself to create a lightness and to not too take life seriously often.
As I slowly felt my journey coming to a close, I found myself deep in Prayer.
Asking for strength, courage, and wisdom in my current and future pursuits.
I laid my wishes and dreams on wooden blocks to remind myself to hold on, believe, and works toward the things that I believe in.
I left it with the thousand others, hoping that one day I can come back smiling, having accomplished them.
Or that I come back sit beneath the flowers and have that resolute feeling that they were not supposed to happen.
Because maybe just maybe there was a different but far better story yet to be told.
Truth or truth? Real or real?
Often we find ourselves asking questions we already know the answers to. But do we really believe them? The dilemma with such does not lie on the answers that we seek rather what troubles us is which truth would we end up adhering to.
I’ve always been perplexed on how the human mind works, on how at a certain point it would callously bring us to the brink of truth and its cruelty whereby setting forth a chain of unfortunate events; of self-doubts, what could’ve beens, and the never will be’s. And on how at the polar opposite of such it would artifice us with what we want to believe, deceiving us with thoughts and false promises of taking the road less travelled— albeit further augmenting our delusions of not necessarily repairing our mistakes but rather affording us of new beginnings or what should have beens.
So the next time we pursue a quest for answers to questions we think we already know about. Maybe just maybe we should stop ourselves, clear our heads, and save ourselves from all the deceitful temperaments and prejudices, because if there’s a few things that I’ve learned from being a young wide eyed 21 year old its that sometimes, I picked my truths and that’s where all faults started.
(P.S. Photo is not mine)